• Home
  • Coaching
  • Mentoring
  • Start here
  • About
  • Contact
  •      

Eyes on the Goal

Create a life you don't need a vacation from

How to Make Friends with “Not Good Enough”

5. August 2021

I am at an online conscious parenting workshop. As we are sharing our deepest fears, one fear stands out in particular:

I am not good enough (IANGE)

It stands out not because of its originality but out of familiarity. Every single participant has it, some even share they “have been doing a lot of work around it” but it is still there:

The sneaky, persistent voice whispering: “you’re not good enough”. The voice that stops you in your tracks just when you are feeling good about yourself.

I got curious, 

  • Why are we so attached to it?
  • Why do we even listen to it? It obviously wants to keep us small. 
  • Why don’t we just release it and be the best versions of ourselves? 

If it were so easy, everyone would be flying in space, being a super parent, a multimillionaire entrepreneur, and a stellar lover with a healthy, fit body. 

On the other hand, it should be easy. Look at nature. No such drama there.

Have you seen a flower refusing to blossom because it doesn’t feel good enough? Have you seen a bear refusing to come out of its cave because it doesn’t feel good enough? It’s ridiculous. 

Now, that we agree that we humans come with a ridiculous IANGE built-in, how do we deal with it? 

Let’s unpack the fear of not being good enough. 

IANGE = Judge

Imagine, you’ve just reached a milestone. Congratulations! Now you’re good enough. Wait, wait, BUT NO! The “good enough” mark has also shifted. Again, you have to catch up. It’s a never-ending chase.

If the IANGE voice will keep on judging us, let’s make sure it is a fair judge, OK? Let’s define the size of the field we’re playing on, competing for a medal in “good enough” -ness.

Who is good enough, who is good? What’s the measuring stick? What’s the golden standard?

When we measure against our potential, it’s an encouraging thought. We are only competing against ourselves. We have potential, it’s in us. It’s a matter of developing it.

When we measure against some external person still there is hope. Good enough-ness, even greatness, is possible, here’s how it’s done, here’s a role model. If they can do it, I can too.

In the worst case, we measure against a fantasy. An image that we’ve somehow unconsciously put together, an unattainable set of standards. An impossible collage of the flashiest Instagram influencers, the smartest of our co-workers, Tim Ferris, Oprah, and Gisele Bundchen.

I bet you recognize this unconscious fantasy as your measuring stick. In this case, congratulations, the measuring stick has just converted into a shovel that will bury you dead underground.

IANGE = Warning

The fear of not being good enough protects us. 

Don’t fly too high, it warns.

Air is thinner up there. Be aware. Stay safe. 

From an evolutionary point of view, it makes all the sense.

Know your place in the herd/pack. Don’t go fighting bigger guys cos’ you’re not strong enough and you will lose, even die.

Animals have this fail-safe instinctively. Except for small dogs with grandiose delusions that get them to charge dogs twice their size. 

IANGE is the parking assist beeping when you approach a barrier.

IANGE is the low fuel warning on your car’s dashboard. 

Thank you for the warning, but no thank you. I know I can probably have at least another 20cm to maneuver or another 20km to drive before something really terrible happens. 

You have the bandwidth. You’re not going to break. Take IANGE as a warning and still do what you are up to. 

IANGE = Comfort

There’s something comforting about IANGE. 

Poor me, everyone else is good and I am not good enough. I am in my familiar misery, comfortable self-pity and stuckness.

Since I am not good anyways, why try?

There’s an element of giving up and waiting for someone to come save us.

Hanging out in the deepest of our miserable Comfort zone and refusing to take responsibility has its own charm, but eventually, it gets dull and boring. 

Please, pretty please, come out of your comfortable, boring IANGE. Be a Baron Munchausen, pull yourself out of the mud by your hair. Let’s go out and play.

Plus, no one is coming to save you anyways. 

“Not good enough” is good enough 

Last but not least, the truth is “not good enough” is good enough. For now. Otherwise, we would have changed it, wouldn’t we? 

***************

I leave you with a beautiful, good-feeling quote to spark some further insights:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.

– Marianne Williamson
Author, Spiritual teacher

❣️

**********
Photo by Karim MANJRA on Unsplash

Spread the ❤

Related Posts:

  • How to Use Fear to Catapult You Forward
    How to Use Fear to Catapult You Forward
  • Toastmasters Speech 4: Baba Yaga is in Town
    Toastmasters Speech 4: Baba Yaga is in Town
  • Invest in Change. It’s the Only Constant.
    Invest in Change. It’s the Only Constant.

1 Comment / Filed In: Tools for Success
Tagged: mindfulness

Comments

  1. steveark says

    5. August 2021 at 22:16

    That is a huge thing that holds people back. I was so lucky that I was asked to take the lead in a musical play in high school. I was pathologically shy at the time, could barely answer a question in class. But I wanted to be popular, to do something people admired and somehow dug up the courage to take the role even though every cell in my body was screaming “you are not good enough to do this!” But I was, and I did and after that I looked at every scary opportunity in my life and compared it to that first one, and I stepped into risk. It totally changed my life and when that fear confronts me now, I mean its always lurking somewhere, I just face it down and start listing all the things I’ve done that I wasn’t good enough to do. And it goes away! Great post, this concept can truly be life changing, I know because it changed mine.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Hi, I am Kate App

Welcome from Kate App
I take you on a journey from
Financial Independence 2022
all the way to
a Life you don't need a vacation from

Search

Subscribe

Categories

  • Financial Independence
  • Freedom Seekers Community
  • Investing
  • Minimalism
  • Tools for Success
  • Updates on the Goal

You Might Also Like

  • How to Use Fear to Catapult You Forward
  • The “Expensive” Things – When It’s Time Not To Be Frugal
  • Consume vs Create a.k.a New Life Goals
  • Update on The Goal After 5 Years
  • How Break Down Leads to Break Through
  • How to Transform Fear Into Love and Get Freedom as a By-product

Archives

  • March 2022
  • November 2021
  • August 2021
  • July 2021
  • May 2021
  • February 2021
  • January 2021
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • October 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016

AMAZON ASSOCIATES DISCLOSURE

Katerina Apostolova is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com

Privacy Policy

Check our privacy policy here: Privacy Policy;Click here to opt-out of Google Analytics
     

© Copyright 2023 Eyes on the Goal · All Rights Reserved ·